Vape-Ninja 101: Stealth Vapor Shichihoude (Seven Ninja Disguises)

July 08, 2019

Vape-Ninja 101: Stealth Vapor Shichihoude (Seven Ninja Disguises) - Velvet Cloud

For most of us, the term 'vape-ninja' is just a fun way to talk about vaping on the sly. We stealth-vape because it's fun, and to save the delicate sensibilities of people just don't 'get' vaping as we do. We take on the moniker of vape-ninja because it's hilarious to imagine yourself as a ninja sneaking flavorful puffs of vape while hidden in plain sight. But there's also a lot we can learn from the traditional ninjas of ancient Japan.

In the 17th century, a then-secret manuscript The Shoninki was penned detailing many of the techniques used by the great ninja clans of the time. The Shoninki reveals the hidden lifestyle of the Shonin clans. In the manuscript, we discover that ninja once had seven traditional disguises they could fall back on to infiltrate towns and groups of people or avoid detection as they travel.

Shichihoude is the art of disguise, separated into instruction on how to assume any of the seven core identities. The ninjas were masters of disguise, and far more cunning than just hiding in the shadows. With these seven disguises, they could blend into almost any town or group of travelers without seeming suspicious.

The Shichihoude Seven Identities:

  1. The Actor
  2. The Merchant
  3. The Street Musician
  4. The Peasant
  5. The Traveling Monk
  6. The Buddhist Monk
  7. The Mountain Ascetic


These disguises helped the ninja to hide in plain sight. Sometimes, one disguise would be maintained for years in deep cover. During an ongoing mission, ninja may use several disguises in one day in order to blend with various crowds. It was important to remain flexible and able to take action from anonymity at any moment. Old-school ninja action was a little more intense than sneaky vaping, but there's no denying that their techniques are top-notch.


The Seven Vape-Ninja Disguises

As a vape-ninja, you can also cultivate a useful collection of disguises to hide or distract from your covert vaping activities.

1. The Thoughtful Poser

The stealth-vaping disguise that even beginners are familiar with is the thoughtful pose. Hide a thin vape pen in your hand and then raise your hand to your lips as if you just had a ponderous thought. People around you will think you're really deep while you enjoy a secret mouthful of delicious little clouds.

Professional vape-ninjas plan their thoughtful poser cover by dressing in blacks and grays so as to look more like a dreamy emo poet who might stop and ponder things at random.

2. The Artful Distractor

"Hey, look at that really interesting thing over there!"

Some self-trained vape-ninjas learn naturally how to use the art of distraction to sneak your clouds. Amateurs create distractions or claim to see amazing things right across the street to sneak their hit. But a true vape-ninja knows that the best distraction is one that occurs naturally. Wait until your companion, or companions, is looking away or absorbed in something else to catch your moment.

The artful distractor is always ready to draw attention away from themselves toward something several feet away. If this is your primary trick, plan your outings in exciting places like carnivals or outdoor tours.

3. The Candy Addict

We've heard legend of a vape-ninja disguise that is so stealthy that even suspicious onlookers won't suspect you're vaping: Mask your vape as a more acceptable personal vice. Pretend you just can't stop popping Pez candies, or you've got a secret candy bar you're scarfing in tiny bites. If you've genuinely got a cough, pretend you're sipping cough syrup from the bottle as busy adults sometimes find themselves doing to get by.

This ultimate disguise for your stealth-vaping is great if you have to spend time with eagle-eyed relatives or under the watch of overzealous security personnel. For the best possible disguise, carry a Pez dispenser with you in case someone asks to see, or just wants a candy.

4. The Busy Walker

Like the traveling monks of old, sometimes you are less suspicious in motion than you are standing still. If you're dying for a few puffs and aren't anywhere that can be stealth-vaped; take a walk. Disguise yourself as a busy local professional who is walking around the block for lunch or a nearby meeting. If you move fast enough, it will be hard for anyone to be bothered even if they notice a few cloud wisps.

The best busy walker disguise includes your phone. Hold your phone up to your ear with your off-hand. Then cup your vape-hand close to your mouth (puff puff) and pretend to talk into the phone while protecting the speaker. And walk fast.

woman vaping

5. The Big Scarf Wearer

Ancient shinobi ninjas and modern stealth-vapers both have a fondness for big scarfs. Not only does a scarf hide your identity in hostile territory, it can also absorb any sneaky vapor that might otherwise be seen. With the right scarf, you can sneakily absorb medium-sized cloud. This can keep you safe even if your friend makes you laugh right after you sneak a mouthful of flavor.

Optimize your scarf disguise by matching the weather. Never be the only person in the room wearing a scarf or it won't fly.

6. The Book Ponderer

For bookish stealth-vapers, this disguise comes naturally and is an important part of the vape-ninja toolkit. Vaping and reading often go hand-in-hand. Or, in this case, vape-in-book. Hold your stealthy vape pen in the palm of your hand as you hold your book. Occasionally, raise your book to your mouth as if a passage inspired sudden ponderous thought. It helps to look up at the sky or down at the table to indicate deep thoughtfulness.

Take a puff. Exhale any minimal wisps behind the book. Lower the book and keep reading with a dreamy expression. Expert vape-ninjas bring books large enough to hide some serious covert activity. Or a book small enough to divert any suspicion.

7. The Private Chuckler

The final stealth-vaper disguise is one that works even when you don't have any props and especially if you are alone. When vaping in public, occasionally find something to chuckle at. When you do, raise your 'fist' to your mouth to cover the smile. People around you will think you're one of those people who always cover your mouth when you smile and who often finds things funny.

To really build your cover, start actually doing this when you laugh during normal life. Your friends will think you picked it up from television, but really you'll be building plausible deniability for stealth-vaping. Plus, it might make you look cool.


Mastering the Vape-Ninja Arts

The art of disguise is one of the most important as a training vape-ninja. By mastering all seven of the Shichihoude of Vaping, you too can learn to vape in plain sight no matter what village you wander into. 

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